blue days

unfortunately the title of this blog doesn't refer to the colour blue but rather the emotion of being blue...yep that big black hole has been getting wider and wider threatening to swallow me up again. it is hard to explain anxiety, it is hard to pin point it to one thing, but rather it is many many small things that to a rational person seem so insignificant but when i am feeling this way they are insurmountable and send me into a tailspin where even breathing becomes difficult. i have spent much of last week crying and battling with the rational part of my brain...it is a battle that keeps me up half the night, all in my mind and usually leaves me feeling like a failure and disappointed in myself. the hardest part for me is that mick is going through similar feelings of depression and i don't feel like i can support him, on the contrary i feel like i am another problem for him to deal with, not that he would ever think like that. he supports me with so much love...i am so lucky to have him in my life and of course my wonderful sisters, father, family and friends. anyhow i guess when i feel this way the first things that seems to stop are the things that make me happy...i haven't blogged in ages, crafting/sewing has come to a complete stand still, taking a walk with the girls hasn't happened for a few weeks, missing 'play' dates with friends etc...

in an attempt to inject some 'happiness' into my soul we decided to take a day trip to the botanic gardens and just be present as a family...well it worked (for that day at least) i actually remember stopping mick and telling him that i feel happy, it was a strange feeling because it was genuine and i hadn't felt that way in a long time. apart from the petrol the whole day cost us $20 for a family of 5 and that was spent on ice-creams for the girls and some treats from the bakery for lunch. what a wonderful way to spend 6 hours! wish we had worn one of those things that measures how many steps you take @_@

as you can imagine i took heaps of photos and i have just about included them all in this post!

enjoy

3 reasons to get out of bed in the morning

the ponds were full of lillies, breathtaking!

we saw so many ducks, we started seeing them in our food..can you see the little cheesy duck here on lili's bun?

we feasted on ginger and lime macaroons lovingly made by my super talented sister Anita...they really were divine.

we marveled at how God could create such a leaf...the colours and the shape truly astounded us all.

we had fun in the fernery, we each took turns sitting on this fellows lap.

aaahh my favourite part of the gardens.. the Japanese gardens. i really would like to recreate such a look in our own back yard but wouldn't even know where to begin

by the way, i have not adjusted any colour on any of the pictures. after all the rain we have had the parks were lush and so alive..it really added to the experience.

a nice spot for a photo

the bonsai house, this was a favourite amongst us bonsers ~_~

we took a break to listen to the band play...free entertainment, what more could you want?

we saw plenty of these guys but this one had to be the biggest of the lot!

we ended the trip with a visit to the top of mount Cootha and took in a magnificent view of Brisbane. you could see the muddy river and could only imagine what the view would have been like at the time of the floods.

we had such a wonderful day together and for that moment in time i forgot about my anxiety and simply enjoyed my family. of course the rest of the week fell apart but hey here i am blogging about it which must mean i am trying to get myself out of the blue and into the brightness of happiness.

i am taking each day as they come, small steps, small victories, no pressure.

any tips on how you make it through your tough days would be much appreciated.

hope to be back soon

xxxrosey

trapped

do you ever feel trapped?

my feelings at the beginning of the year were so distorted and overwhelming which led me to take a step back from teaching with a view to resign...

now that i have had time to talk to someone i don't feel so desperate. my BIL is doing well, he had a check up yesterday to be told that the tumors had not changed since stopping chemo 2 months ago so we have a little ray of hope...but i am left with this sense of what have i done?? i am thoroughly enjoying relief teaching and am hoping that the bosses in catholic education give me the nod to have next year off as well. as much as i am enjoying the time at home and the days of teaching here and there i have a new load of guilt to bear...society is set up in a way in which it is impossible for a family of 5 to survive on one wage, the weeks that i don't get a day of teaching we barely have enough money in the bank for bread and milk. i don't mean to whinge and i know that we are all in the same boat but why does it have to be this way? why cant i just be a housewife and relief teacher and not have the guilt?? a night fill job would be ideal especially over the school holidays when i will be bringing in zero dollars...that is my next step and ASAP.

well my fellow bloggers, thanks for your support and a shoulder to cry on...

maybe one day the cage door will open and i will be set free.

xxrosey

happy unhappy day

having a blue day?? well let this story teach you that with a little love and support even the bluest days can turn purple :)

there once was a hard working, dedicated and all round gorgeous guy who was feeling down about the monkeys that he had to teach day in day out. now these monkeys are no ordinary monkeys they are the teenage type..yep those who think they know everything and have a hard time listening to direction and have manners of a pig. sensing the blues were on their way a little angel whispered into my ear...

why don't you make today happy unhappy day and turn that frown upside down?!?

what a brilliant idea, we decided to make a scrummy pie...

and take our mr blue over to mr happy and cheer him up with some fine conversation and tasty pie.

mr happy did a wonderful job of making us laugh and we went away feeling much better than when we first arrived but that was not all that we had in store...

our sweet neighbour from across the road invited us over for a traditional curry, so armed with wine and sweet treats we made the short trek across the street and had a wonderful night full of conversation and laughter..

these two faces could make anyone happy!

then to top off our happy unhappy day we presented mr blue with the second passion fruit from our vine

and guess what?

yes you guessed it he found his smile.

our happy unhappy day lasted all weekend and mr blue said that the following week was so much better and that he is not feeling stressed at all.

the angel was right, love and support is all that you need to get you through the darkest days.

xxx