Wednesday, April 6, 2011

blue days

unfortunately the title of this blog doesn't refer to the colour blue but rather the emotion of being blue...yep that big black hole has been getting wider and wider threatening to swallow me up again. it is hard to explain anxiety, it is hard to pin point it to one thing, but rather it is many many small things that to a rational person seem so insignificant but when i am feeling this way they are insurmountable and send me into a tailspin where even breathing becomes difficult. i have spent much of last week crying and battling with the rational part of my is a battle that keeps me up half the night, all in my mind and usually leaves me feeling like a failure and disappointed in myself. the hardest part for me is that mick is going through similar feelings of depression and i don't feel like i can support him, on the contrary i feel like i am another problem for him to deal with, not that he would ever think like that. he supports me with so much love...i am so lucky to have him in my life and of course my wonderful sisters, father, family and friends. anyhow i guess when i feel this way the first things that seems to stop are the things that make me happy...i haven't blogged in ages, crafting/sewing has come to a complete stand still, taking a walk with the girls hasn't happened for a few weeks, missing 'play' dates with friends etc...
in an attempt to inject some 'happiness' into my soul we decided to take a day trip to the botanic gardens and just be present as a family...well it worked (for that day at least) i actually remember stopping mick and telling him that i feel happy, it was a strange feeling because it was genuine and i hadn't felt that way in a long time. apart from the petrol the whole day cost us $20 for a family of 5 and that was spent on ice-creams for the girls and some treats from the bakery for lunch. what a wonderful way to spend 6 hours! wish we had worn one of those things that measures how many steps you take @_@
as you can imagine i took heaps of photos and i have just about included them all in this post!
3 reasons to get out of bed in the morning
the ponds were full of lillies, breathtaking!
we saw so many ducks, we started seeing them in our food..can you see the little cheesy duck here on lili's bun?
we feasted on ginger and lime macaroons lovingly made by my super talented sister Anita...they really were divine.
we marveled at how God could create such a leaf...the colours and the shape truly astounded us all.
we had fun in the fernery, we each took turns sitting on this fellows lap.
aaahh my favourite part of the gardens.. the Japanese gardens. i really would like to recreate such a look in our own back yard but wouldn't even know where to begin
by the way, i have not adjusted any colour on any of the pictures. after all the rain we have had the parks were lush and so really added to the experience.
a nice spot for a photo
the bonsai house, this was a favourite amongst us bonsers ~_~
we took a break to listen to the band entertainment, what more could you want?
we saw plenty of these guys but this one had to be the biggest of the lot!
we ended the trip with a visit to the top of mount Cootha and took in a magnificent view of Brisbane. you could see the muddy river and could only imagine what the view would have been like at the time of the floods.
we had such a wonderful day together and for that moment in time i forgot about my anxiety and simply enjoyed my family. of course the rest of the week fell apart but hey here i am blogging about it which must mean i am trying to get myself out of the blue and into the brightness of happiness.
i am taking each day as they come, small steps, small victories, no pressure.
any tips on how you make it through your tough days would be much appreciated.
hope to be back soon