Wednesday, April 6, 2011

blue days

unfortunately the title of this blog doesn't refer to the colour blue but rather the emotion of being blue...yep that big black hole has been getting wider and wider threatening to swallow me up again. it is hard to explain anxiety, it is hard to pin point it to one thing, but rather it is many many small things that to a rational person seem so insignificant but when i am feeling this way they are insurmountable and send me into a tailspin where even breathing becomes difficult. i have spent much of last week crying and battling with the rational part of my is a battle that keeps me up half the night, all in my mind and usually leaves me feeling like a failure and disappointed in myself. the hardest part for me is that mick is going through similar feelings of depression and i don't feel like i can support him, on the contrary i feel like i am another problem for him to deal with, not that he would ever think like that. he supports me with so much love...i am so lucky to have him in my life and of course my wonderful sisters, father, family and friends. anyhow i guess when i feel this way the first things that seems to stop are the things that make me happy...i haven't blogged in ages, crafting/sewing has come to a complete stand still, taking a walk with the girls hasn't happened for a few weeks, missing 'play' dates with friends etc...
in an attempt to inject some 'happiness' into my soul we decided to take a day trip to the botanic gardens and just be present as a family...well it worked (for that day at least) i actually remember stopping mick and telling him that i feel happy, it was a strange feeling because it was genuine and i hadn't felt that way in a long time. apart from the petrol the whole day cost us $20 for a family of 5 and that was spent on ice-creams for the girls and some treats from the bakery for lunch. what a wonderful way to spend 6 hours! wish we had worn one of those things that measures how many steps you take @_@
as you can imagine i took heaps of photos and i have just about included them all in this post!
3 reasons to get out of bed in the morning
the ponds were full of lillies, breathtaking!
we saw so many ducks, we started seeing them in our food..can you see the little cheesy duck here on lili's bun?
we feasted on ginger and lime macaroons lovingly made by my super talented sister Anita...they really were divine.
we marveled at how God could create such a leaf...the colours and the shape truly astounded us all.
we had fun in the fernery, we each took turns sitting on this fellows lap.
aaahh my favourite part of the gardens.. the Japanese gardens. i really would like to recreate such a look in our own back yard but wouldn't even know where to begin
by the way, i have not adjusted any colour on any of the pictures. after all the rain we have had the parks were lush and so really added to the experience.
a nice spot for a photo
the bonsai house, this was a favourite amongst us bonsers ~_~
we took a break to listen to the band entertainment, what more could you want?
we saw plenty of these guys but this one had to be the biggest of the lot!
we ended the trip with a visit to the top of mount Cootha and took in a magnificent view of Brisbane. you could see the muddy river and could only imagine what the view would have been like at the time of the floods.
we had such a wonderful day together and for that moment in time i forgot about my anxiety and simply enjoyed my family. of course the rest of the week fell apart but hey here i am blogging about it which must mean i am trying to get myself out of the blue and into the brightness of happiness.
i am taking each day as they come, small steps, small victories, no pressure.
any tips on how you make it through your tough days would be much appreciated.
hope to be back soon


Kim said...

I get this too so I can relate to the tough time you are having. I literally have to force myself out of it and support from my husband helps a lot. My way of dealing with it is to let myself feel this way for awhile and then start to force myself to get some fresh air and exercise. I don't know why it helps, but for some reason nature and movement spur me on my way back to life. It must be that way a little bit for you too since you had such a wonderful day surrounded by such beauty. Another thing that helps me a lot is to know I am not the only one this happens to. Feeling like you are the only one is so isolating and sad. I hope things continue to get better- hang in there and just take it a day at a time. Sending you a big huge hug!!!!

Anna Rosa Designs said...

Hey Rosey,
Oh honey, I'm feeling for you.
I wish I had the best advice and answers however that's what Dr's are for.
I hope you've been to one or have an appointment soon!
Chin up,
Big hugs,
PS: Please feel free to private email me and I'd be happy to listen!

Kerryanne English said...

Hi Rosey,
I understand how you feel. I too have been there and now one of my girls is battling the blue monster. It's a hard and sad time.

Do you still have your notes from the Embracing the Passion course you participated in last year? I think you might find them helpful? Let me know if your want a copy. Perhaps writing your feelings in a journal will help you sort through your anxieties and put them to rest at night.

As always, you know I'm here for you, as are all your blogging friends. Give me a call if you want a chat.
Hugs ~ Kerryanne

Joolz said...

Hi Rosey,

Hope you are now on the up after your lovely day out! My hubby hit the wall just before Xmas & had to go back on medication, he's now much better & looking for a new job, (I'm sure stress at the last one brought it on).

Hang on, it will get better!

Hugs x

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

Anxiety is a unwanted friend i too have and will continue to battle .
it is a combination of things to better ourselves but they are hard to do when the hole around you is threatening to swallow us up!
Vitamin b and brauers calmatona are good mates of mine,Don't fix things but help.
I know you look for joy where and when you can....keep doing what you do gorgeous girl,times pass and some sun will shine again. xo

Kris Meares - Tag Along Teddies said...

Hey Rosey! Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment for you. We all have blue times and all need to deal with them in different ways. I know for me, getting out of my own company, mixing with positive, creative people helps (in person and blogging buddies). Making myself do something I know I love helps too ... even if it's a huge effort to get started ... once I take that initial step, it helps and lifts me up. Surround yourself with positive people and 'things' ... I have a joy-journal, a journal with uplifting quotes, jokes, comic strips, beautiful photos and pictures, letters from friends and family ... anything that will make me smile on a blue day ... and I spend time flicking through that. Lastly ... I do something for someone else. This stops me thinking about 'ME' and doing something to brighten a friend's day is a sure way to improve my outlook. The others have already said it ... we're here to talk to any time. Take care. Bear Hugs! KRIS

Miranda said...

Dear beautiful Rosey.. my heart hurts for you .. I only just read your blog tonight after you left this morning.. I am sorry I havn't had time lately to read your blogs.. but please know I love you.. you are my dearest most supportive and loving life long friend... and you inspire me is so many ways.. your strength, your support to Mick and your girls, your loving wonderful nature with your girls.. I hope I can be a wonderful mother to my baby following in your footsteps.. you are a beautiful soul Rosey.. never forget that.. xxx
Love Mir xx

nataya said...

Hello, this first time i stop by at your blog. I am also one warrior, out of the blue survivor...and still surviving. And I just visited another blogger's blog that also posted about her experience of this 'swallowing blue'. It's not that i'm glad alot persons coping with this, but It is motivated me to not give up the light, to see that another person that has been getting trough this blue could get a lot of love, and support. I came from environtment that doesn't have enough knowledge about blues. Thankyou for sharing this. I send you my biggest support.

babalisme said...

What a fun fun day!! The girls look like they're enjoying themselves too!
Give yourself a break is a cure, Rosey, I hope you can overcome your troubles and support your family again, but first things first, aid yourself. :) Be strong!

Maria-Thérèse ~ said...

oh dear... I've been wondering where you were but too busy to find out :(

Do the things you love... or the things you normally love. Spend time outdoors... Help someone else... Try something new - a book club, chat with a random new person. Perhaps try a natural supplement either against depression or just for more energy? Hope you'll feel loads better soon and HAPPY EASTER!!!!

soggibottom said...

You have my email address. Just have to call me. But you could also put it down on paper. OLD STUFF...
old stuff is sometimes the best.
HERE always, why should I ever go anywhere else :-) xxxxx
lots of love and good thougts, but if they aren't enough, you know where I am. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Debra W said...

I do hope that things are getting better. Life can be so difficult at times. It sounds like you had a wonderful day in nature with your beautiful family. Maybe spending more days like that out in nature would be helpful. I know that when I am feeling blue, if I can just force myself to take a walk on the beach, I feel much better.

Sending positive energy your way!