Friday, September 3, 2010

trapped

do you ever feel trapped?
my feelings at the beginning of the year were so distorted and overwhelming which led me to take a step back from teaching with a view to resign...
now that i have had time to talk to someone i don't feel so desperate. my BIL is doing well, he had a check up yesterday to be told that the tumors had not changed since stopping chemo 2 months ago so we have a little ray of hope...but i am left with this sense of what have i done?? i am thoroughly enjoying relief teaching and am hoping that the bosses in catholic education give me the nod to have next year off as well. as much as i am enjoying the time at home and the days of teaching here and there i have a new load of guilt to bear...society is set up in a way in which it is impossible for a family of 5 to survive on one wage, the weeks that i don't get a day of teaching we barely have enough money in the bank for bread and milk. i don't mean to whinge and i know that we are all in the same boat but why does it have to be this way? why cant i just be a housewife and relief teacher and not have the guilt?? a night fill job would be ideal especially over the school holidays when i will be bringing in zero dollars...that is my next step and ASAP.
well my fellow bloggers, thanks for your support and a shoulder to cry on...
maybe one day the cage door will open and i will be set free.
xxrosey

6 comments:

clare's craftroom said...

Oh Rosey ! It is so hard but it won't be for long as your craft markets are going to do so well you won't even need to do relief teaching .Chin up , friend .xxxx

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

We have pretty much alwas lived on one wage and we do go without some things but the more time I am available to my family the smoother and happier we always seem to be.
I am sure you will work out a balance and opportunities will come and a whole new "normal" will come to be.

soggibottom said...

You are always welcome to cry on my shoulder, life wouldn't be that fun if everything was so perfect. Would help sometimes though eh !

x x x x

Kerryanne English said...

I know that trapped feeling... mine sometimes feels like the little hamester running in circles on the wheel BUT it does stop Rosey. It's a huge juggle doing the SAHM job and trying to balance income. I've been a SAHM for 16 years and finally managed to find a way of contributing to the family budget while focusing and working around the kids and family life. Have faith in Lilly Cottage & Friends... it may be your sign post out of the cage.
Sending you great big reassuring hugs,
Kerryanne

bekimarie said...

Huge ((hugs)) to you lovely xxx

When times are hard I always look at it as an adventure (that's not to say I haven't shed many a tear) and we always pull through it.
Before meeting Rich, I hit rock bottom a few times so I know how you're feeling, it's hard but with Lilly Cottage and your lovely makes you'll soon be wondering why you were worried :)

Lots of love
B xxx

p.s have to agree with soggibottom, where's the fun in a perfect life xxx

Miranda said...

Hi my dear friend..

Live by life is not about waiting for the storm to pass ...
but learning to dance in the rain..

Even tho I know I should practice this myself more often ! keep strong... and be proud of what a beautiful mother you are and I will keep praying for you that one day you will win the lotto xxx

Love you zillions xx
mir :)