Thursday, March 12, 2009

undo and do over

what have i done? and how do i reverse it? these are two questions that are plaguing me since my 7 year old said she thinks she is fat!!!
my little lil will always be a heavier build but by no means is she fat. her diet is well balanced, not perfect but by no means is it full of junk food. so i dont feel guilty about her weight but she is starting to notice that others around her are skinny. the other day through tears and a shaky voice she said 'all i see is thin thin thin when i look at my friends and then i look at me and see fat' god i almost died on the spot! i have been assuring her that she is perfect and that all people have a little bit of a belly cause that is how god made us but it doesnt seem to make a difference. i am making a more concerted effort to say how much i love my body and keep all the thoughts i really have in my head. but i think that my past comments about my weight and mick checking the scales each week (he is worse than a woman about his weight cause he was heavily over weight all his youth) has created a child who is weight conscious.
i am curious to know how to change this very scary reality that is happening in my home. if you have any tips send them my way, one thing might just change her view. she gets lots of love and approval from me but i could always do more.
the photos are the most recent of her back at the end of january i cant see anything wrong with her. we used to call her bert newtons love child cause of her moon face but that is the only thing big about her. i just think she is lovely but i need to make her see that. i need to undo some of my parenting
thanks for your friendship and honesty
%^_^% rosey

22 comments:

clare said...

I think she is just perfect .
clares craftroom

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

She looks healthy.
My Lad is abig built kid not fat but solid as a rock and always I think gee who'll tell him oneday he's fat.
I think reassuring her and postive attributes Is all you can do.
I am unsure what else to suggest.
Beautiful is what she is...

Becky said...

Shes healthy looking, she isnt fat, she looks great for her age.Now you have to focus on her mindset.Like you said always praise her looks and her clothing.Her attitude is coming from school girls her own age.My thats sad so young.So be positive,we cant change this silly world with its silly obsessions but we can change her mindset and for her to know shes lovely and we all have different looks and shapes but thats how we are different in our own special ways.

Kris Meares - Tag Along Teddies said...

Hey Rosey! Stop beating yourself up! I agree with Becky that she's mostly likely getting her 'thin/fat' comments and thoughts from the kids at school - who sadly are probably hearing some of it at home as well as everywhere in the media. She is a beautiful, healthy, loved little girl! Just keep showing her that real beauty comes from what's inside, not outside and that healthy is better in the long run than glamourous! Just keep doing what you're doing, Rosey! Bear Hugs! KRIS

Anna Rosa Designs said...

Hi Rosey,
This is a bit of a hard one. She seems way to young to be worried about her weight.
My Mum use to say it was
just "puppy fat and when I had a growth spurt the puppy fat would go away". Well, it did, but sometime later I found it again.
Keep up her spirits with healthy food and excercise. Dancing is great for girls.
Hugs, Anna

Doda said...

I can't even see that she looks big build, she just looks absolutely lovely to me.
Try to keep your own weigh-ins private from now, and your discussions about weight and maybe it will all blow over.

sesga loves 1950s said...

She looks exactly as she should,not overweight in the slightest . you watch She will have a growing spurt and she will look skinny then .I find that with my 2 they look a little chunky and then all of a sudden they are skinny again, and grown a little taller .

I think that you are doing exactly the right thing reassureing that she is perfect just as she is .
Try not to worry to much ,see how things go .

its probably the girls at school that are chatting I agree with Becky .

Trials and tribulations of being a Mum .

Love from sesga xxx

Christy said...

I think she's perfect too!

Lesley (Notesfrommydays) said...

oh rosie its horrid isnt it - my 7 year old witnessed me losing weight last year and i should have kept it quiet and not talked about it around her but even now she mentioned calories :-( your daughter looks perfect to me and probably a lot healthier than the really skinny kids (my daughter being one of them) who look like a gust of wind would blow them over!! keep up the positive comments - and maybe show her a picture of a overweight child and explain how thats unhealthy and how she is absolutely perfect and why would she want to be the same as everyone else as then she wouldnt be lili and there is nothing better than being lili :-)
good luck !
lesley x

i cant sew said...

THANKS GUYS, YOUR COMMENTS ARE HELPING, I THINK MY HUSBAND SHOULD START TO KEEP HIS WEIGH INS A SECRET TOO. YOUR SUPPORT MEANS SO MUCH!
%^_^% ROSEY

Maria-Thérèse said...

Please never talk about your own body in a negative way - well, you've already figured that out.
Also I don't think she is heavily built at all!! She just looks pretty and normal, had she been overweight I probably would have thought so before when looking at your pics. As it is, I've only ever thought "cute kid!"

It may also be a really wise thing to not describe her body in any way but normal. Not to measure. Not say heavier built, that it's normal to have a bit of a belly - all of that sounds pretty negative once you've got it in your head that you're "fat".

I don't have children but I have had anorexia and one thing that may have stopped me from becoming as ill as I was would have been had my father not said the words "Well you've never been thin" (when I was, in fact, much closer to underweight than overweight) and "If you want to lose a couple of pounds we'll help you" when really there wasn't anything to lose and I went straight into severe eating disorder mode.

bekimarie said...

She looks perfect to me!
I've been through similar problems with Jess who is quite short and has a little belly on her, but I rather that than her be too skinny, at least she looks healthy.
To be honest I think most little girls go through this and you seem to be doing everything right, just keep up the positive comments and pretty soon she'll probably and hopefull forget all about it.
Take care
Hugs
Beki xxx

Linda Lilly Cottage said...

No No No No Oh no tell that gorgeous girl she is perfect in every way and she is going to be able to concentrate better, run faster and heal broken bones better and get over colds faster and be someone all those other girls look up to and admire because she eats exactly what she should be eating, loves to run and play outside, gets plenty of sleep and is loved by two gorgeous parents!!
Tell her that I think she is wonderful and soooo artistic to boot and she is very special to me.
Kiss Noises Lili Kiss Noises Rosey, hugs Linda

Kimberly said...

How heartbreaking to see your child hurting over such a thought at such a young age.

If she were overweight then there would be cause to adjust her diet, but she doesn't look anywhere near overweight. She looks like a normal, healthy little girl.

I remember always feeling kind of big and chunky because I had a friend who was TOO skinny (looking back I know now that she was very underweight)...my friend never called me fat and I don't think anyone else did, I just always had that in tme back of my mind. My mom always emphasized healthy foods and made us eat our vegetables before we could have dessert, but it was always from a standpoint of keeping our bodies healthy. I think some thoughts like that come as a result of being around other kids.

It sounds like she already has a good balanced diet. Maybe you could emphasize to her the fact that she is growing. If it ever comes to it and you feel comfortable doing it you could say that since you and daddy are no longer growing you have to be careful to eat healthily and not to eat too much, but you still enjoy treats and that you provide her with plenty of the foods that will make her healthy and strong and you want her to enjoy the treats now and then, too. Maybe talk about what an exciting time her body is having growing and changing and how she won't be done growing for a few more years.

And maybe you could emphasize that everyone is different. Some of us are short and some of us are tall and some of us have have brown hair and some of us have blond hair, but whatever we have we need to focus on the good and be proud of ourselves...she is the only one like herself in the whole world! She is special!

Hollypop's said...

I think she looks just lovely, not fat at all. I think that you're right and just stay positive around her and not dwell on it too much. We all comment on people and how they look whether it be on tv or in real life and little ones take in more than we realise. Holly came home back along asked me if I thought she was fat, (she is long legged and and not an ounce of fat on her).
I think it's probably a girl thing.
Take care and try not to worry.
Nickyx

Bunny said...

Lili, darling, you are beautiful. I know these thoughts are hurting you right now, but you need to believe that you are more than bad thoughts, you are an amazing girl, you are lovely and sweet and I am sure you are a wonderful daughter and big sister! My love goes out to you.

Rosey, my love and prayers go out to you and Lili and every little girl or boy and parents who go through this. Children absorb so much and it's so hard to decide what to think, how to act, who to be. Modern media does terrible things to the minds of children and I pray that someday it will be remedied -- until then, we must all pray that God will guide us and we must continue to work hard to encourage and support ourselves, our children, family and friends. We are ALL beautiful.

Love always to my Aussie ladies. :)

Kerryanne English said...

Ooohhhh... that is so scary. Hopefully it is just a passing stage thanks to some unkind comments at school. She looks perfect to me - and her little 'bert' face is extra cute.
Hugs ~ Kerryanne

babalisme said...

She's fine...Oh my, I can't seem to understand why she thinks she's fat. She's not skinny either, but she's normal.

I know kids these days can't be so mean and critical, but that doesn't mean everything they say is true.

I went through all these "chubby" dilemma myself, but I was 15 when it started (my, they start teasing other about this younger and younger). They told me I was fat and I was dying to get skinnier. Looking back now, I want to slap those skinny b*tches for minding other people's bodies and kick my 15 year old to let her know that how I wish to have her body now.

My suggestion is, tell lots and lots stories of other real people, like myself here. And a positive mindset at home will definitely help. Both you and your husband should never ever criticize your own body images/weight/looks/etc in front of the girls.

Agapanthus said...

Buddy, you are bringing tears to my eyes and that's not good, cause I'm still at work. I'm going to write you an email when i get home and will call you tomorrow. I want to also have a lovely chat to my chickens. Keep your chin up, will speak to you soon. Love you all. xx

Miranda said...

Rosey.. I'm not sure what to say.. but You are a wonderful Mum!!.. and just keep on loving Lili and supporting her as you do always.
I think lili is so pretty, sweet, and she is so precious.. and I will say a prayer that she gets some confidence back in herself.. xx
Love Mir xx

shelia said...

she is perfect...i'm afraid it comes with the times we live in. I have 3 daughters too and have heard this for years!!! one is a size 2, one 4 and one between 4-6 and there adults!! YEEK...makes me nuts. My senior girl is again watching closely what she eats...she is 5'10" and between 4-6 and beautiful...but she compares herself with everyone in magazine and tv. Trying to get them to see the beauty in the body God gave them is my everyday challenge!
I'll be praying for you and your precious little girls!

Anonymous said...

We love your whole family sooooooo much & that's enough for us so I hope that's enough for you too!!!!!!! Perfect as you stand!!!!!!!!!! Love always, Tina xxx